How to Gain the Attention and Respect you Deserve.
What if I told you there was a way for you to instantly garner more attention without making yourself the king’s fool? What if I told you that the secret to gaining that attention, that presence that turns heads when you enter a room was as simple as paying more attention to your surroundings.
Sounds ridiculous, right? It’s not.
Have you ever had the pleasure of meeting a person who for one reason or another just seemed to draw the attention of everyone around them, without even saying a word?
These people who appear to command attention aren’t born this way. I used to wonder what it would feel like to command the attention of a Queen or King.
I used to wonder, until I found out a little trick from a book I was reading.
At first I was skeptical. I found it hard to believe that the trick was that simple. That was, until I tried it out.
The secret, as it turns out, is in your body language. It also just so happens that you don’t have to force your body language to do anything. What you do instead is use a trick to stay present, in the moment, mindful— however you may refer to it.
In other words, our presence comes us being present.
Don’t believe me? Try it.
First, close your eyes. Set a timer on your watch or phone for exactly one minute.
The reason I love these so much is that you consciously focus on one thing and notice every tiny detail about it. Without having to do anything else our body begins to relax and we become much more aware of the world around us.
You don’t have to take my word for it. Go out there and try it for yourself!
Happen to love reading like me? The title of the book I pulled those exercises from is The Charisma Myth.
You could pick it up here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947
Never stop learning. Much love,
Last week we had a look at some of the things we fear. Really, it was more about how to identify our fears or phobias by gauging our internal reactions towards our surroundings.
This week we’re going to break out the microscope. It is extremely important to note that while yes, I am a psychology major, I am in no way qualified to give you medical advice and I would never advise another human being to stop taking their medications unless it was agreed upon both by you and the prescribing physician.
So now that that’s out of the way let’s begin, shall we?
First, I want you to take a deep breath.
In through the nose and out through the mouth.
Now take another and this time stick your belly out as much as possible while you inhale.
Do this a few times. Notice your lungs being filled with air.
How do you feel?
Chances are pretty calm.
For many of us, we have a tendency to get swept away by a lifestyle that moves at a pace so fast we barely have time to breathe.
How many times have you heard the expression stop and smell the roses?
Our lives become so busy between school/ continuing education, work, family, friends— if we have time, hobbies, religious services and volunteer work, that we often forget how to simply feel.
Now Nick, I’m pretty sure I know how I feel about a lot of things. I feel that climate change is or isn’t a problem, I feel that Donald Trump would or wouldn’t make a good president.
A lot of the time we confuse what we feel for our attitudes and our opinions. To clarify an opinion is "what a person believes to be factually true". Therefore it is my opinion that vegetables are good for me. Attitudes on the other hand are "an opinion that includes an evaluative and an emotional component." In other words it is my attitude that the United States of America is or isn't the greatest country in the world.
So where exactly am I going with this?
We have a tendency to get so wrapped up in our own heads that—as we previously read— we forget to just simply feel. We think that we should believe this or that. We are told that terrorists follow the teachings of Islam and that Communism is a plight on the human race. We are spoon fed a tremendous amount information that a lot of our opinions become hard rooted attitudes without us even realizing it.
We get swept away in our attitudes because we forget that we are so much more than the sum of our mental processes. From a young age I was under the impression that my thoughts and my desires made me who I was. This thinking made me so vulnerable to addictive tendencies I didn't realize that a lot of my escapes— from playing video games to watching television— were doing nothing more than allowing me to run away from what I was feeling at the time.
Instead of allowing myself to feel whatever was going on inside of my body at the time, I'd push a power button and hide or run away from that feeling of discomfort.
So what if I told you that you may be burying a considerable amount of your feelings without realizing it? What if I told you that the reason you stop at Dunkin Donuts instead of eating a healthy breakfast was because you were running away from feeling uncomfortable? Instead of allowing ourselves to feel uncomfortable it has become so much easier to reach for something that gives us immediate gratification than ever before. No one likes to feel uncomfortable. There’s no surprise there. However, if we don’t seek to understand the source of our discomfort and accept the way we feel we aren’t doing anything else than burying our feelings and our emotions. Think of me playing video games or binge watching game of thrones.
We know we shouldn’t bury things, but sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re burying them! It gets even worse when we’re stressed!
Okay, so this may have been a lot to take in all at once. If you take one thing out of this post I can only pray that it’s this: The next time you feel stressed or anxious, take a step back for a second. Allow yourself to take a few deep breaths and observe how you feel. Don’t act, just close your eyes and watch the rise and fall of all those feelings inside your body.
This little technique is something that is so simple it's almost painful— almost.
I can only pray it's able to help you.
With love, Nick
What is it that you shy away from?
Fear is something, that seems to get swept under the rug a lot. We seem to think that acknowledging our fears gives them power. How many times have you been worried sick, literally to the point of illness about someone or something? Maybe you've found yourself locked up, completely unable to move? Or maybe you've found yourself deep in the grasp of anxiety, thoughts racing far beyond your control, petrified while your body seemed to betray you?
You know what? Let's ease into this...
When I was in my younger days— and I still am— I was terrified of the dark. I'd sleep cocooned in my blanket facing the wall because I honestly believed that if I couldn't see the monsters, they would not be able to see me.
Now this sounds rather childish, but until just recently, I found that this same habit actually dictated the way I was behaving in other aspects of my life. Being a psychology major I have somewhat of an understanding on how we can be conditioned into certain behaviors. In my case it started out with things like being afraid of the dark or being shy around people from a young age.
Some of us may be thinking, yeah there were plenty of people like that when we were younger, and I'd be one of the first to agree. What I'm getting at is for one reason or another I came to fear my fears instead of accepting them. If I had to use the bathroom at night, I'd run the fastest forty known to the human race so I could spend the least amount of time possible exposed in the dark, exposed to my fear. To put it simply ,I hated being uncomfortable.
It's by no means a stretch to say fear makes us uncomfortable, sometimes to the point where we turn away, or try our hardest to bury it.
What if there was another way?
What if we saw our fears as nothing more than an idle thought?
What if we simply accepted our irrational fears and watched them as we would a beautiful sunset.
What happens then?
I'm not saying you need to completely drop your coping mechanisms, not by any means.
I'm saying keep an eye on the things you push away from. You know, that which you find yourself putting off till later. You might be surprised.
I know I was.